Jury Duty Wrap – The Lighter Side

With apologies to David Letterman (Top Ten), Peter King from Sports Illustrated (Things I Think I Think) and Seth Meyers & Amy Poehler from SNL (Really?!), I present my Top Ten Things I Really Think I Think after serving jury duty this week.

#10.    There is nothing on earth more boring than hearing a deposition read back to you in a courtroom. I’m disappointed that the male intern who read a woman’s deposition didn’t move his voice to a higher pitch.

#9.     10 cops to guard one x-ray machine and one metal detector at the courtroom entrance is overkill and a waste of my tax dollars.

#8.     I must live in a bubble. A number of jurors and the bailiff had never seen a Kindle before. Question from the bailiff – “Does that thing send emails?”

#7.     An entire sitcom could be based on activity in the jury room. True quotes:

Max Baer, Jr. -- Not Dead

  • “You know what that reminded me of? My Cousin Vinny.” Response from a few others – “I was going to say the same thing.”
  • “I’m telling you. Max Baer, Jr. is dead.”
  • “Did you see her panties?”
  • “You were sleeping.” “Was not.” “Were too.” “Was not. “Were too.”
  • “What do you think of the plaintiff attorney’s hair?”
  • “We have absolutely no idea what your name is.”
  • [looking at iPod nano] – “I want a phone like his that takes pictures.”

#6.     A Chipotle burrito during lunch before a long afternoon session in court is an exceptionally poor decision.

#5.     Jury chairs that lean back to about 135 degrees are dangerous as the 2pm lunch coma combines with a boring witness.

#4.     It’s comforting to know that the judge sometimes often falls asleep as well.

#3.     I’m not calling the plaintiff’s attorneys to represent me anytime soon. One plaintiff attorney’s real question: “So, was there a time when you saw something that caused you some concern?” Huh?

#2.     Seeing the yellow panties of the lead defense attorney as she leans over to get documents is just wrong.

#1.     See the black panties of the lead defense attorney through her white pants is just wronger.


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