New Outlook – Spidey Sense Turned On

In my previous post, eight days ago, I talked about testing my new outlook.  As I wrote then, I was hoping that I had successfully removed the stress in my life and become more focused.  After eight days now, I can tell you that it’s working so far.  Seems logical, right?  If I was causing my own stress, then I should be able to successfully remove it.

I removed the stress by simply reducing and almost eliminating my desire to advance at my current employer.  I eliminated the fight for the  promotion.  I eliminated comparing myself to others on a consistent basis and trying to be better than them.  I eliminated being concerned with each word that came out of my mouth that I looked bad, came across wrong or did myself damage on the promotion track.

When I told my boss all this last Tuesday, she just smiled.  She said I had been working scared, and I said she was right.  She reminded me how awful it had been on me and my home life when I was a vice president, and I said she was right.  She’s a great person, and I know she was happy that some of her guidance had made it through my thick head.

It would be easy to blame my parents for all this.  I think Freud would.  I don’t.  They created a competitive monster, who always wanted to be better than everyone else and who always wanted to be the best.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.  However, I worry that I’ve done the same thing to my kids, but I don’t see it in my son.  He doesn’t have the same competitive desire that I did at his age.  I want to see fire in his eyes before hockey games, but I don’t.  He’s calm and matter-of-fact.

After being “matter-of-fact” for the last eight days, I now understand.  I’ve taken a small step, but I like it.  Alot.  Next — I have to make sure this new “Spidey Sense” remains on.  I need to sense if I fall back into old habits.  I need to sense when I’m starting to get stressed and stop it.  That’s would be great.


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